Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
