omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I need moral support for this bender
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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