why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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