she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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