i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
