you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
