If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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