Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm getting married
To pizza
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
