He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
