I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
