Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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