Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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