He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
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