You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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