i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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