is your mom at the bar?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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