We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
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you lied. pity sex is amazing.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
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i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I will be naked everywhere
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.