textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.