nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?