We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.