Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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