I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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