If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
