OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
