They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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