I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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