hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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