just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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