I think I am morally bankrupt
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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