Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
