Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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