So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
