Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
