put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Do vagina's smell?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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