Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Your cock deserves a montage
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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