he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
