I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
