I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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