Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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