I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
