get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
