i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
