I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
