Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
