Swine flu. Run for my life!
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
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