I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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