I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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