What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
