I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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