I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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