They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
