So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
