hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
