I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Actions speak louder than pants.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
