At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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