he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
