I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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