What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
