you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
