we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
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A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
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I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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