I can text with my tongue
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
