We're facebook friends in real life
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
