let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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