piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
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My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
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Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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