Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
