wanna go halves on a baby?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
