until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
