5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
