the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
