You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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