i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
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You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
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Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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