We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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