You smell like stripper and shame
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
